Guidelines

On a night like tonight when I have spoken to what feels like a million people - all of them nubile and almost all of them on the prowl - I feel flooded. I am whelmed.

Men: I think it's important for you to know that by the time you meet a woman she has likely been subjected to all manner of wild subterfuge having to do with her femininity. Regardless of her station and social standing. Regardless of her chosen or imposed lifestyle.

You can be the sweetest and kindest and most honorable creature in the world and really, it's likely going to take a bit of time to make that crystal clear all the way to the bone for any single one of us.

Some famous woman once compared being female to walking around holding a hi def television with you at all times no matter where you go.

Or maybe more like walking around with a priceless diamond tucked away in your pocket and that's just fine except that *everyone fucking knows you have it*.

And a lot of times it really is like those things. It is also about a thousand other things much less stress-inducing. And I'm mixing up my quotes. But it does not matter. You get my drift.

Women: for a few seconds every day imagine what it is like to feel as though your wanting to have tea with a woman means (while at the same time totally does NOT mean, but in a confusing and inconsistent way) that you have to approach her and request her presence at your tea party. And that even if all signs point to a green light, the asking is a daunting task.

Especially when she knows and you know and she knows that you know that she has this special and coveted and desirable fortune with her everywhere she goes.

And if she says yes? And she's at your tea party? If she has so much as a frantic moth encounter you are responsible (while at the same time totally NOT responsible, but in a confusing and inconsistent way) for the outcome of it and whether or not she makes it through sans traumatic after-effects.

The responsibility of being male makes a lot of me think "cry me a fucking river" but makes another part of me think I'm glad at least that I don't have THAT to deal with.

And yes. Normally I skew toward sympathizing with one over another. I don't need to go further into that. I am human.

It's all of these preconditions.

It's also the fact that I've only just now described my very own experiences. So multiply that by a couple billion and you have the number of takes on this subject that exist.

Get to reading. We have a lot of catching up to do.