at sixes and sevens

letting the veil descend, again.

i won that sweatshirt in a crafty and very opportunistic moment that i am not proud of.

that said, it is my surrogate boyfriend hoodie. i don't mind that at all.

so yes here is your humble hostess posted in front of pinkie lee with nothing in particular worth saying but at least i'm here, ya?

fact is that i'm not at a loss for words because there is nothing new. i think that actually there is way too much new, and that's why i'm all muddle-headed.

know what i mean? baffled, befuddled, confounded, dumbfounded, flummoxed, flustered, nonplussed, punchy, shook up, slaphappy, taken aback, unglued, unscrewed, unzipped. at sixes and sevens.*

unworthy a little, too.

*courtesy of thesaurus.com





and so i take a little step back. then a bigger one. then the hugest one i can manage and.

i'm me again. meaning fully in my skin.

i can't shake this anger, it is older than the continents.

and i can't shake this ingenuity, it is my birthright.

and i can't shake this apprehension, it is my curse.





that last sentence made me feel like i needed a back of hand to forehead. jeez louise. okay maybe it is that, but it's not as dramatic as it sounds. rilly tho.

it is day to day deciding every time some poor soul asks me for money whether or not i give it to them.

it is deciding to confront or not confront some creep in the street with a foul mouth.

it is declining "fresh ground pepper on that" every time i go to a fancy restaurant.

it is not flashing on a person that i love and don't want to lose.

it is flashing on people who deserve it.

it is finding a way.

it is MAKING a way.

it is staring at the telephone ringing with butterflies in my stomach. answering it. and getting the best surprise ever.





and yes lately it has been working a lot. but that is slowing down by hook or crook.

all work and no play makes jill a dull girl. even her friends say so.