Time Machine - 11/19/03

NOW
Tonight I am tired. Worrying overtime about stuff that is essentially NMMFP has my brow wrinkled at 2 AM when I should be snoozing. Or reading. Or playing video games.

I get frustrated at my own frustration sometimes. Trying v hard to maintain a simple approach. Be happy with what I got. Stop being so self-centered and compelled to move up up up. Those things. I'd go crazy in a yoga class breathing into the stretch and clearing my mind and focusing on stillness in order to "pursue the glorious journey within all of us".

I'm like. Bitch, please. Don't you know I have shit to do? Can we just skip to the part where I'm enlightened and what not?

And this is me. I might have a choice about it but most days I wouldn't have it another way even if you paid me to. Even if it was a condition of unconditional love.

This is me. And this has been me for some time. I might move up up up but at least I remember to take me with me.


THEN

punks in the trunk

fuck these limitations. our physical beings and those around us who long for everything in a box would have us believing that one incarnation at a time is enough. i say fuck that. i say be as many and as much as you can afford to be while sleeping soundly every evening. or avoid sleeping altogether.

i suppose if i could be said to advocate a thing it would be choice. i have problems with some choices, of course. but most hos are pimps also. and vice versa. we're only giving in to our own brand of greed most of the time.

what do you want most? notoriety? abuse? props? arch-enemies? world peace? equality? justice? presents under the tree?

be honest now, do you really want life to kick your ass?

whore yourself out to your chosen cause with certainty because you can't avoid it anyway. and i don't mean that as disrespect. just that our deepest and darkest wants hit our dreams up incessantly and creep or rather stomp their way into our waking life actions.

we go for what we know consciously or we do it blindly. which do you think has the higher success rate?

open up that shady dome of yours and allow what's truly desired to surface. that's my meditation today. i'll run myself to ruin pretending i'm one thing when i'm the other. the world loves a self-made woman. the world loves a gangster. the world bows down when you walk like you know where the fuck you're headed.

shit. stay L7 if that makes your day. but my thoughts are that you prefer grimy. so lean way back and case the joint, if that pleases you. makes for better looting later on.

The gods do bear and will allow in kings
The things which they abhor in rascal routes.
--Buckhurst's Tragedy of Ferrex and Porrex