This is the latest version of me. As in: five minutes ago. I mean. The one authorized for publication. I look far less peaceful in real life. You'd be hard pressed to find me in this state more than once or twice a week. And that would be you being lucky.
But I figured I owe it. This used to be all real time updates all day and all night. Now it is just. What's fit to print.
A sorry substitute, I know. But we do what we can.
The reason for this generosity is simply that I'm looking at a 3 day weekend, because I decided a few weeks ago to take tomorrow off to hang with my niece. This was before I realized that I can't really do anything with her on a Monday. When that dawned on me I was in no position to change my mind given the climate at my job recently. So I kept my free day. Now it's just me.
This time last year Rach and I went to the shooting range and I shot a gun for the very first time. It was a measly .22, but all they would give us as we were babes in the woods. I planned to carry this tradition on tomorrow but 2 things got in my way.
1) There's some bullshit anti-suicide policy which manifests in that place not renting guns to a single person. Meaning that I have to have someone with me in case I'm a fucking nut. I see so many flaws in that logic that I won't bother to list them.
I could have talked my way out of that one for sure except that:
2) The range I was going to go to is going through a license renegotiation and so is not renting guns out right now. LAME.
So that means I have to break my one year streak and instead do something else to celebrate my fake and still very valid holiday. I've decided to go to the gym, work out for an hour, sit in the steam room and then go shopping before I head out to the aquarium with my friend from Brooklyn.
Once that's done we will come back here and watch decidedly non-romantic movies and talk shit until the siren song of work emails becomes unbearable and he goes on his way so that I can make up for having a day off.
That doesn't sound half as splendid as it will be, but believe me it will be.
Not much else to report except some crazy dreams this morning about raising baby birds and kittens followed by the kind of half-awake hallucination I've grown accustomed to in the last few weeks. Nothing serious, but I do think God is speaking directly to me lately and that is worth mentioning.
Nothing else at all. Aside from my epiphany this weekend that one of the boys I am crushed on truly does not in real life enjoy my company. If this was my job I'd write him off as having bad taste and leave it be. Since it is real life it is not that easy. I'm wondering what's wrong with me. I'm wondering if there is anything I could change.
In the meantime I am deciding that a bit of distance is needed from everything lately.
I have three to five dates next week. Cold comfort when one of the ones I want actually wants nothing to do with me. But again I am thinking that it could be much worse.
Yawn. I got an early day tomorrow so I'd better turn in.
And I leave you with this. A song with calming properties above and beyond. I hope that it soothes you as much as it has soothed me today.
Bonsoir.
angelina
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