A Plea

Enough. Enough, enough, enough of movies where some perfectly normal and civic-minded and successful human being turns some totally twisted half-person into A Completely Well-Adjusted Individual. I'm over that shit, you know? But on Saturday nights alone I eat it up like candy anyway.

If I told you the name of the movie I just watched you'd roll your eyeballs. If you could guess due to some mysterious spiritual link that we have I would be impressed, but you would still roll your eyeballs.



All I'm saying I guess is that I'm tired of the same old bullshit fable we get sold about music having charms to soothe the savage breast, and all that. It does not. Music does not calm, it incites. And the best music makes us even more savage, I think.

And I'm not sure I'm looking for anything to be soothed, anyway.

soothe
[sooth]
verb, soothed, sooth·ing.

1.to tranquilize or calm, as a person or the feelings; relieve, comfort, or refresh: soothing someone's anger; to soothe someone with a hot drink.
2.to mitigate, assuage, or allay, as pain, sorrow, or doubt: to soothe sunburned skin.

Don't get me wrong. I mean. Of course I want it all to be better, I'm no glutton for punishment. But getting it better is not so easy as putting cocoa butter on someone's back and saying nice things. It's fucking work. It's not playing a goddamn harp.

And I am hard pressed to think of a single person I've ever known worth meeting that didn't have some grit in their lives. Some demons, some habits, some night visitors.



You can't pull in the good stuff without also pulling in the bad stuff. Reception in our brains isn't quite as fine-tuned as 105.9 vs. 106.1, you know? Sometimes there are mashups.

And we live for those, of course. Anything less makes us fall asleep face down in our meatloaf at the end of the night, over everything and looking forward to nothing more.

But no. Still again, I'm not buying into any Sisyphus bullshit either. I'm in no mood to try and try to coax another person into being kind to me, or respecting me, or liking me, or acting like they like me. These things must come naturally, as I am looking for a wolf sense that kicks in at all costs when the stakes are high.

A wolf sense is important in all situations, every second of the day, every single place a person goes.

Obstacles and inconveniences can kiss my ass in twenty eleven.

And so can working so much that I forget what makes life really juicy. Work is part of it, no doubt, but I've gotta give myself a chance.

Many chances, in fact.



I spent today watching cartoons mostly. Cleaning my house and listening to Sneaker Pimps. Enjoying the light show from inside where it's just a fade of colors and nothing worth reading into.

Tomorrow is my last day of freedom. I'm gonna go to Pacifica and see the ocean or go bowling or both. I plan on kicking Monday's ass, for sure.

Sleep well.

angelina