I Got A Gold Name Plate Says I Wish You Would

I'm in final exams for my life right now. Or rather. If we want to be optimistic about it. I'm in midterms.

I've been very specific up until now not to be accountable for much. I grew up hella rough and my girl Tajia once told me that when your parents forsake you, Jah takes up for them. Jah takes their place and you are protected forever more.

I counted on that, and I also sort of decided some time ago that I'm in a little bubble. I'm self-made, and that makes me untouchable and free of any real accountability to anyone anywhere no matter what.

See also: completely self-sufficient. Little Lone Wolf.

I never had kids for this reason.

I never got married for this reason.

You could say that my desire not to ever be emotionally accountable has led me to right here where I am. With a job that eats up 75% of my waking life and a huge appetite for surface things to fill up the remaining 25%. My plan has always been to stay busy and unattached. Free to build my sand castles all the live long day.

Would that it was so easy.

But lately and all of a sudden I'm the family rock. The one with all of the answers and plans, you know? I tried so hard to avoid this. But deep inside I kinda also knew I was the one with the map, since I've been saying all my life how I've been here before. I kinda have to step up.

So tonight I'm all fucked up over being grown up, and at the same time I'm sort of excited. I think this is really where we separate the women from the girls.

And whatever. I'll be well-dressed either way.

Today I had lunch at Momo's with K and this boy and Myra, who is just 5 months old.





I want a life of just laying in the sun and relaxing. I'm totally over responsibility.

I want a do-over and a house in the Hamptons.