scripted

there's something about a script. there's nothing in my past that's happened often enough for me to be able to compare it. it becomes a way of thinking. there is a specificity to every sidenote that makes it feel like a way of life.

just now. just tonight i think i got past the feeling that i was reading some holy text.
i have been hesitating to mark my place as though i was reading Buddha's Teachings, or The Bible, or The Holy Qur'an. i pick those books up and let pages find me.

and when i read something even for a few moments i take on the cadence of the thing i was reading for a few paragraphs. this allows me to express things in ways i've never done before, and as a result allows me to express things i have never expressed before. it is cathartic. it is like going to church.

it is like channeling.

which is why it has taken me a month to realize that i can just dog ear a page of this script i am reading instead of finding myself starting at odd places each time i pick it up.

and it isn't actually that it's not a holy thing. it certainly is.



it's that it's a thought. and it took me a second to realize that with paper i can physically bend a place in it to dip myself back in without affecting its structure.

if you catch my drift.

also: there has been work. my work. my hustle. still tons of it.

but i *am* pulling back some. work is no longer every single waking moment. i'm wrapping things up. i'm closing the curtains and putting things into storage.

finalizing.

i take nights like this and at about 7 pm i think to myself

fuckit

and i keep doing whatever it is i'm doing and realize that no orphanages will burn down if i don''t create a schedule this very friday night.

it's a nice feeling. it's brand new to me and a bit of a surprise, at the moment.

blessed be.

now i'm gonna veg out further. no reading. just video games til i'm just drowsy enough to have a lucid dream. i can pick up where i left off tomorrow.

my place has been marked.