work. life. balance.

for the past two weeks i have just been collecting. never enough time or energy to formulate a really thorough point of view on any one thing. never really any need to.

so the sands slip through. days of our lives, and whatnot. the collection grows. it is sparsely tended. this is what remains.

*********

7/28

Last night was never-ending. Not in the way most nights have been lately, but because I had business cocktails at 5:30 and dinner at 8:30 all in my work hood, which meant an ungodly amount of time spent away from my cave. My hutch. My nest.

My late night dinner was with Liz at Bix, which is dark and dramatic feeling. Perfect for catching up on weeks worth of catchup.

We caught up. Work came up.

Liz designs video game interfaces. But she also works at a hospice on Saturdays.

Since she spends so much time around dying people it was Real Talk when she mentioned her doubt that on my deathbed I will be thinking:


wow. really glad i wrote THAT proposal.


Since then there has been a shift in perception.

*********

8/2

In other news. My diction. My cadence. I've developed some of the speech patterns that I tend to associate with people who are a little touched. There is a quality to my communication that hints at the fact that the majority of my dialogues are taking place not with the world at large but instead among my various Selves.

Telling a story I'll stop. Digress. Laugh to myself about some inside, inside joke and then continue on. I can't tell how it strikes other people. But I catch myself noticing it when I am in its midst and it can make a conversation either uncomfortable or endearing.

I'd need seventeen seventeen foot mirrors configured seventeen miles apart from one another pointing at seventeen different angles to achieve the viewpoints I require to create the reflection I need to see myself purely.

Meaning: no obstructions or embellishments.

It's a feat of magic. Time will tell if I'm up to it.

*********

8/5

A lot of the stuff I was hoping to win has been won. I've drawn a line in the sand, I am taking 5 days off that will really be 10 days at the end of this month. I'm considering a few nights at the Madonna Inn.

And I'm beyond beyond, when I imagine that.

Also: wondering how everything will get done. How I can see to that and still heed Lizzie's advice.

Those words are my most serious truths lately, to be honest with you.

I have to figure this out. I also have to take a second to breathe on my nails, buff them on my shirt and then gaze at them admiringly cause. Um. Yeah.

I got it done.

I said I wanted to. I never should have questioned it henceforth. Or maybe that's why it actually happened.

The world may never know.

But one thing is for certain: your girl's hustle has been paying off the last month or so and it feels better than *almost* anything.

Almost.

*********

and that's it. for now.

tonight. functioning as the curator of these thoughts. i am feeling a little bit like this:




bonsoir.