Old Habits

working from couch 3/19/11 - serious

A scary revelation: I don't know what to do with my free time anymore if I'm not catching up on work. Can you believe that? I sort of spin out. Sit here on my couch iChatting about bullshit. Waxing indignant about philosophies that I can't live up to. Immobile. A million things I've been neglecting waiting to be done but I just. Can't. Do anything.

Eh. I've given my last to extraneous things, I think. At the very least my spinning out doesn't lead to ill-advised love texts or random flirting to kill time, anymore. But I'm guessing there is something more. Something I've forgotten about...



so you walked in/the next mornin/to find me smiling, like nothin ever happened


That's a great example of the kind of shit that spins through my mind on a night like this. Catchy non-classics. Fake mantras. The smallest versions of slicing a self open and sharing with anyone who will listen. It's bogus.

At work, however. A million productive thoughts a minute. I can't keep track of them all. So much to do. Crossing one thing off of my list means adding another one to it. I would hate to become one of those caricatures of a workaholic, but I'm afraid that I have.

I'm living the hardest and the most when I'm hustling. I'm the most lovely in those times, as well. Go figure.

Tomorrow IS another day. I'll feel completely different then I'm sure. In the meantime:

Bon chance.
Godspeed.
Buena suerte.


working from couch 3/19/11 - narcissism