Overload

Okay so last night in my dreams? There was this stadium filled with young kids. And this one kid who was mega destructive. He had a shotgun and someone in particular he wanted done away with. I saw it like, 5 times or so. Various vantage points. The kid who got smoked. The friends of the kid who got smoked. The kid who smoked the other kid. And my own. Too many, really. Too many to walk away with having a smile on my face all ready for work.

Then I slept again and it was totally full up of other drama that really I have no energy to process. Sleep and dramatics and rehashing of that terrifying dream of the kid who got gunned down and the kid who wanted him dead. My god that one kid had so much rage.

My therapist tells me that everyone in my dreams is really just me. Could that be true?

Because after the shotgun dream there was just Trish and I searching for a cute pair of jeans, right? And then over not so far away we saw this lion. Like. A real lion. Fierce and shit. He was staring us down and doing that thing cats do before they pounce on you.

The dream version of me is still a savage. So I was half thinking "well isn't there something we can do to keep this manageable?" while the other half was thinking "mother fuck that lion wants to eat us both."

And then the other part of me. Not one of the halves, but the one of me that is just trying to stay afloat or whatever. She was wondering which pair of jeans would be the most flattering.

And yes. In my dream I was considering all of these things. Last time I dreamed this store of fantastically ass-flattering jeans there was an alligator trying to bite my toes off or whatever.

And then there was this puppy. Tiny baby puppy that you could hold in one hand while doing a small tummy rub that made it all wiggly. Greatest puppy ever. I'm sure it exists in real life. But in my dream I was busy trying to save it from something way less considerate than I am. All I could think about was whether or not the little dude would freeze to death, or get crushed, or be forgotten and starve.

That was last night's dreaming. So yeah. You can kinda dig where my head is at right now, can't you?

The other night I was at therapy and like 30 minutes into it some lady knocked on the door to tell us that the building to the right of us was on fire. Yeah. Straight up on fire, smoke and everything. By the time we got out there were 3 fire trucks and countless dudes in awesome outfits climbing shit and hosing it down.

But I'm thinking it probably also means something when you're pouring your heart out to a stranger and then the building next door catches afire, ya know?

Yeah. You know.

Tonight I'm covered in wanting and wishing and hoping that I can get over these bullshit thoughts clouding up my existence. Wish me luck and Godspeed, dear hearts.

xo.

angelina