I know it's 3:10 AM now the minute I open my eyes. 3 weeks, this has been happening. After the waking up for no reason there follows 30 minutes of trying to pretend it didn't happen. Change positions. Pretend it didn't happen again. Eyes closed mega shut and trying my best to keep the underwater feeling I get when I'm actually almost asleep. I am hoping to override the whole thing so that I can be less of a zombie in the morning, but I haven't mastered it yet.
So then I sigh. Get up. Drink water. Peek through the curtains toward the ocean and pretend I can see it out there. Sigh again. Back to bed where I spend the next 2 hours tossing and turning before I fall asleep, 2 hours before the alarm goes off.
The only time I've slept through 3:10 AM in the last 3 weeks was on my living room floor snuggled up to a cute boy with a bunch of tattoos. And I can't tell you for certain that we got to bed that much before 3:10 AM so it might have just been that.
But I'm pretty sure it was the kissing.
I thought tonight would be different because before I went to bed I finally launched the site I've been working on for the past month and it was Kind of a Big Deal cause people have been trying to pull it off all year long and stopping short. Then I ate a two hundred dollar steak dinner to top that fucker off. Those are things that used to help me sleep well.
Things change. I remain on time.
Rumi says God is telling me something. I say I am fucked up in the head, a little bit. It is enough to keep things interesting.
I had a similar problem that lasted for about three weeks. I was waking up at 2:45am and staying up later or getting to bed earlier would just not reset my internal clock.
ReplyDeleteAfter things settled down a bit, my clock finally reset one day after I left my day job at the regular 4pm and made my way to my regular place where my regular bartenders served me an irregular amount of booze. I left at about midnight, took public transportation home, kicked off my shoes, stretched out on the bed and didn't wake up until 5:30am which is when I usually wake up.
I woke up tired but I slept through the following night. I don't recommend it and I don't know if it would even work for you because I think we often operate differently, for instance: snuggling next to a cute boy with tattoos would most definitely keep me up through the night.
Regardless, I wish you sweet dreams.
thank you tim - yeah different strokes for different folks but i think your method might do the trick.
ReplyDeleteyour notes are the best, by the way.