Contemplates

There's this massive statue of a guy somewhere, but I forget where. Probably in Italy?

Well anyway. His face is frozen in grief and he is tearing himself to shreds because his children are dying all around his feet. The smallest one is very much near the edge of life, and it's clear that the dad can't do much about it at all.

I can't remember the name of it. I can't remember anything about it except that I want very much to see it in person. It's the depiction of some epic story, but obvs I have no idea what story it is or else I'd know exactly what I'm talking about.

I want to see that statue. And David. But more than those the Pyramids and the Sphinx.

I want to see everything massive ever made before such things seemed possible to do.

I'm a little scared for the world, but feeling alright about me.

*********

Tonight I worked. Frankly, I've been working since Thursday morning when I hit my day job, then left at 6:30 and napped until 8:30 and got to work at 9:30 and left at 1:30. I got in bed at 2:30 but didn't sleep til 3:30 and got out of bed at 8:30 and was late for my 9:30 meeting.

I left work on Friday at 5:30 and then napped til 7:30 then got up and went to work for a show that started at 9:30. I left at 2:30 and slept at 3:30.

You following me? It's Saturday morning by now. Yesterday.

I woke up at 11:30 because my fave designer texted me about this thing we're working on even though it's the weekend and I told him I'd meet up with him later then had lunch at 1:30 with my homegirl from work. I shopped for outfits until 4:30 then came home and left again at 6:30 and then worked til 8:30 and slept a bit at my fave designer's house until 9:30 when I had to get up and go to my other work.

3:04 now. Sunday morning. Today I have to meet with him again and we have to nail this thing. We have to make something spectacular.

I told him I'm sleeping til noon or one. After that I'll go to his apartment which is way more swank and fantastic than my life ever has been even though he's 12 years younger than me. I'll go to his apartment and we'll go walking by the Bay and we'll come up with something to wow the masses.

I'm counting on it.

Should not have had a Red Bull at 1:30 cause I have a feeling I won't get to sleep til 4:30 now. Losing time. Every second. Can you believe it?

I'm only a little tipsy but I'm very much besotted. My night work makes me spin a little, drool a lot and think even more than those.

Gonna probably have some epic dreams soon enough, if I'm lucky.

*********

Okay and here's the thing re: advertising. I think I've found that it is my industry. In that it allows rogue behavior and embraces people's personal style. It makes a living on those, actually. And it is filled with hotties and top-notch talent.

But it also plays on any thoughts you might have lingering about not being good enough. Plays a symphony on them, in fact. It is filled with people whose jobs are to not be impressed very easily by anything and so sometimes you'll find yourself giving it your all and still feeling miles away from being fantastic enough. Cool enough. Smart enough.

Which is offensive. Which isn't quite right.

To top that, it is filled with artist-types and everyone has fucking *moods* all of the goddamn time and just when you think you're smooth sailing some shit happens and you have to start from scratch. Reconsider all of it.

But again: I've found that it is, indeed, my industry. If I can't get paid to make fresh outfits and write stories all day, this might be my Real Life Calling. That says more about me than I care to admit.

What says even more though is that number two on the list - and constantly jockeying for first place, mind you - is Trophy Wife. Like everything else I do in earnest, I'd be so fucking good at it people would wonder where I've been all of their lives.

I'm the Gold Standard. I insist on that.

*********

And one last thing, my love: Goodnight.