Another walk. This time at night and over the hill to the theater to meet Robin. We got that awesome popcorn and there's an organic chocolate bar in my pocket that I forgot to eat cause the movie was so good.
I really think you should see it. It's a good story and it offers a chance at peace, even if you're feeling unredeemable.
Mostly lately there has been accountability coming up again and again in my thoughts. My top ten list of things I'd take back if I could has expanded over the last year or so, and every few years I seem to add more things to it. It's cyclical. Best behavior for like 3 years and then about a year of dumb shit. A year where I'm lucid but really determined not to give a fuck about anyone's feelings. Mine included.
I wake up from it like starting the day with a hangover. There's a big chunk of time spent recovering, repenting.
How much more time could I waste this way? I could come to my senses at some point and be at the end of a life that's like the end of a day where I slept through it all cause I got wasted the night before. Weeeeeak.
Being good is probably not possible. Being golden can't be too hard to attain, though.
Kay that's it. I gotta big day tomorrow. Night.
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