For a few moments after I wake up I'm actually myself. That's one of the main things I've remembered to remember. When I wake up foggy from a night of excess the daily bullshit swarms more quickly, anything to keep myself from existing in my headache or poor choices or heaviness or whatever.
Without anything immediate to regret I get to bask a bit more in pure existence. It's a luxury I forgot about. It's welcome. Counterproductive to the thing that even now I'm wondering how to put that time to use, I suppose.
Fuckit. I'm just me.
Yesterday was devoid of cheats and sabotage. Baby Anne and I went to the Valley of the Mill to visit little Trisha's cottage. It was pretty excellent, we walked late night in the kinds of streets that don't even have streetlights so at any moment a person is likely to trip over a root popping out of the sidewalk and fall on their face, but it's all narrow and sequestered so you can just walk in the middle of the street if you want. Trees rule pretty much supreme there, but money rules supremer.
I had a mushroom flashback staring at an elm tree for too long, that was pretty dope.
For these last few days I ordered pre-made drinks delivered to me in glass bottles labeled 1 through 6. I'm supposed to drink one every 2 hours. A couple of them taste like asshole, but the rest are pretty good. I've learned that I like cashew milk, which is weird because it's always creeped me the fuck out.
Supposedly I'm going to reach a state of clarity beyond everything I've ever imagined tomorrow. I find that hard to believe. I'll settle for the joy of looking forward to broccoli or a salad or something else delicious and chewy. My teeth are lonely.
I dreamed that I was taking a cross country trip in a camper with a bunch of drug dealers last night. Somehow we lost a huge amount of coke and had to make a stop in some random city where I spent most of my time looking for a Burger King that still served tacos.
So yeah maybe I'm a little obsessed with food right now.
Today is for staying in bed all day because tomorrow I don the yoke again. One last day of just existing for the fuck of it.
I wish my days were more wide open. I'm starting to get bored.
This song came on shuffle yesterday. I forgot I missed it so much:
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